Eroscillator (update)

It’s going well between the eroscillator and me. There isn’t time every day for five orgasms. I’m finding it very useful to help me push past my refractory period, which seems to have got longer since I got older. The orgasms it gives are getting better, mostly. Some are still a little weak, but I don’t mind that when the build up is so good. We have managed to successfully use it during penetrative sex. Where it comes in handy is if I don’t think I’m in the mood for sex, just having a ‘massage’ with the thing and some erotica can change my mind. There’s no need to emotionally connect with a vibrator and it’s a nice easy way to get off.

The best attachments are still the pearls and the moustache, but occasionally one of the others will get used. I’ve got into a bit of a ritual where orgasm #1 is to be had gently, with the pearls, orgasm #2 a little while later needs greater intensity to push past the ‘already orgasmed’ barier so needs the moustache.

I rarely have time for orgasm #3 which would make me sad but that time is usually given to partnered sex, so hardly a loss!

Sadly this morning I have broken one of the attachments! It is still OK to use, but kind of makes a rattling noise. I suppose you could say it adds to the steampunk effect, but I do think that a vibrator should be able to stand up the rough, desperate hands of a half-awake person who’s been trying to wank for an hour while accidentally falling asleep because it’s 6.50 a.m. and who just really wants a quick solution.

Wank to me!

Content note: yep, more about sex. Seem to have trouble thinking about anything but right now.

Last night I tipped over the edge into orgasm because the man who was holding me was having one. Watching someone orgasm is brilliant especially if you have some kind of role in it. Thinking about someone orgasm is great too, especially if you know they are thinking of you.

I like D to take pictures and I love to know that he wanks to them. I get pleasure out of looking at the pictures through his eyes and take exhibitionist joy in knowing that we can upload filthy pictures to fetlife and other people might see and like them too. I’d post them on here if I wasn’t worried about being identified and then I could think about lots of people seeing them.

One of the best things about group sex (there are many) is that you get to watch (and hear!) more people orgasm and more people enjoying themselves.

Manners

Me: I might write a blog post about how apparently I have no manners when I’m turned on.

D: You’re only just realising this now?

I’ve not always been lacking in manners. I think it’s a lot to do with being married and comfortable and knowing I can ask (and get) what I want. There is a fine line though between asking politely (which I try to do) and what happens when I’m really very excited.

I get grabby, bitey, demanding, sometimes bossy, don’t always remember my please and and thank-yous. I ask where the fuck the penis that clearly isn’t in my mouth has got to, and why o why have you stopped, you bastard?* If I’m wearing a cock I may lose all sense of proportion about what is appropriate to do with it.** I need a firm hand, sometimes, to make me be polite (if I hadn’t already demanded you use your firm hand on me already). I cannot be quiet. I ask for more. And more. And more. I would really love a relay of people to fuck me until I actually can’t take it any more.*** This style of sex drive has got me in trouble before. When I start having sex I just don’t want to stop. I have put a few men off in the past with this. Other men though make full of use implements and hands until (eventually) I am sated.

 

*Probably because he’s just come. Love-hate relationship with the male orgasm, here.

** Feeldoes are not ideal for slapping people around the face with. They are also a bit hard for face-fucking, even though this is seriously hot.

***We did a scene like this a while ago. It was really hot. We used dildos to play the different men and had the most hilarious script ever.

The Craft Of Anal

I think everybody has an opinion on anal – it’s hard to be neutral about it. Something that has the potential to be both seriously pleasurable or seriously painful and which takes a bit more skill than your average vaginal penetration. There’s lots of different types but today I’m thinking about the kind I’ve experienced with penis-owners.

I remember pretty vividly the first time someone put a finger into my anus about 13 years ago. I was shocked, uncomfortable, embarrassed and awkward. Surprise butt sex is never good. However, I was also very interested by the pleasurable sensations that this produced and was pretty motivated to explore what I could do on my own. Somehow this led to a long masturbation session involving a Rampant Rabbit vibrator in my bottom, interrupted by irritating housemates knocking on the door intermittently demanding to borrow my guitar, as though I were in some kind of farcial comedy sketch. It became a regular thing (when the housemates were away), but I didn’t have a penis in there until five years after.

The first time I had that form of anal sex, we did everything wrong. We knew we were doing everything wrong. I was in love, horny, seeing my long-distance boyfriend who I felt the very great need to have sex with. I was on my period (and hadn’t at this point graduated to period sex). We had no lube, but we did have a condom that claimed to have extra lube on it. I identified as a lesbian with a giant crush on this one guy. We decided we might as well give it a go. It hurt very little and felt very good.

This brings me to my first point. When you practise the craft of anal, some penis-owners are more blessed than others. Some penises seem to be the exact right shape and size to avoid pain and to feel pretty good. Of course, it’s always possible if someone owns the wrong kind of penis, that they could strap on the other kind when appropriate (if they are into that).

A few years later, I experienced the other kind of penises. The kind that for me have the edge when it comes to vaginal penetration, but are fairly intimidating when it comes to anal. Both length and girth are factors.

One element in the craft of anal, when it comes to larger penises, is eroticising the unavoidable extra pain. Yes, there is building up slowly, yes there is lube, but there is going to be discomfort and some pain. If you’re the sort of person that can find some form of pain during sex enjoyable, this is your best angle. Or equally if you’re not actually masochistic but enjoy pleasing sadists, that outlook can help you with the right partner. To use either of these approaches you have the best chance of success if your partner knows how you feel and what words, phrases or additional signals will get you going.

The other challenges in anal sex besides the pain are feelings of being dirty, humiliated, embarrassed or ashamed. A lot of those feelings are good to eroticise too – you might choose to play up or play down any one of these aspects to tailor your experience to what you can enjoy.

I enjoy many of the aspects of anal but because it’s so intense I don’t seek it out that often and generally only with a partner I’m very emotionally close to so I can trust them to handle some of the more submissive feelings that this kind of sex gives me.

There are times though when it all seems to go right and it magically doesn’t hurt at all. There’s probably a different ‘recipe’ for each person for this, but I like using a mixture of clitoral stimulation (but not to orgasm because that seems to clamp everything down again), buttplugs and lube.

Genderfluid accessories

I vary in how I feel about gender. It’s easy when I feel like a woman, slightly more work when I feel femme or butch, insanely hard when I feel like a man. Most of the time I just feel like me – somewhere inbetween, answers to ‘woman’ but not ‘lady’ or ‘girl’.

I recently got a chest binder to help me with the last one and today have it on for the first time. It’s not a sexual thing for me at least not right now. It feels like a relief  because my breasts today were a serious encumbrance, one of them was/is hurting a bit for no real reason, they feel heavy and awkward and everywhere. I like that with clothes over the top I can run my hands over my chest and it feels like a male chest.

I also bought a flat cap, which doesn’t really do anyth foring me at all which is a shame as I had such high hopes!

The other issue is my hips and bum, which have definite feminine curves about them and which I don’t really have any ideas about.

I came up the other day with an outfit with braces, which I felt pretty good in though I don’t think it actually gave off as much of a male vibe as I’d like due to the other aspects of my body, so I definitely need some more props, signs and signals.

Sucking cock

Content note – fantasies in social situations

It’s a desire that comes and goes for me but it’s always especially strong when I have a crush on someone with a penis. At those times, sexual desire will completely overtake me without warning in social situations, sometimes even preventing me from properly speaking, while I think about slowly and deliberating undoing their trousers and letting their cock spring out, hard and cushiony-soft at the same time in that exciting way they are, wrapping my lips about the head and moving down.

It’s an effect that spreads delightfully. Once I’ve thought about sucking one cock, I’ll think about sucking another, then a cunt might slip through, until everyone in the room has, in my head, been experienced.

The introduction of novelty into my sex life through being in an open relationship does wonders for keeping this desire alive, one I still think of as a little bit perverted, because that’s what straight women do, and I am not straight, and I only play a woman. New crushes remind me what it was like to see his cock for the first time and why I love it as much as I do.

Marriage

I used to want to never get married.

I saw it as a prison. Every relationship was a prison to some extent and as soon as I got into one I was looking for the way out.

I seemed to fall into relationships as the respectable way of getting to have sex or make connnectins with people and then find that this meant restrictions on my freedom that I was never asked if I wanted. I am a poor fit for monogamy.

My marriage is not a prison. Each of us in my marriage is free. We trust one another and we appreciate the things we do for one another but there is no imprisoning. No one tells me I cannot do something and I don’t tell D he can’t do anything, though we both are fully aware of how things we can choose to do might impact us, and choose wisely. We do a lot of things together (because we like each other, because we choose to do them) but there is no rule. We can and do go to things separately and we do not assume, though others sometimes do, that we are a unit. We are a team of two, both here by choice for this voluntary project we call marriage. We build it and see what it is as it comes.

Eroscillator 2

Content Note: Review of sex toy with details of what I did with it. Descriptions of sex, masturbation, orgasms.

I’ve been wanting one of these for ages and decided recently I would get one from Lovehoney because they let you return something if you use it and don’t like it. It’s not especially pretty to look at and the attachments are scary looking, but vibrators can make me numb and I’d read that the Eroscillator wouldn’t do that. Also, I liked the idea of mains-powered (I’ve only ever had battery-eating toys like the Rampant Rabbit).

I tried the ball and cup head first. I liked the idea of the spoon over my clitoris. It felt nice initially, but the problem was I didn’t want to hold it still but to move it about (inevitably) and the ridges of the spoon section felt really uncomfortable for me in such a sensitive area. Then I moved on to try the ‘Seven Pearls of the Orient’ head. This attachment’s supposed to be for ‘vaginal and anal stimulation’ but I had a different plan, which was to use it down one side of the clitoris to stimulate through the sides. It was pleasingly indirect yet intense. I’m pretty sure I made a lot of noise and it felt like having lots of climaxes straight away (though they didn’t have usual intensity of orgasm).

D had been watching and I got to the stage where I wanted penetration, at which point we tried in several different ways to combine penis-in-vagina with this attachment and just gave up because it’s so long and was completely in the way. D changed to fingering/fisting (I’m not sure, it was all a happy blur for me by this point) and the combination was a thrillingly large orgasm.

After a short time, I picked it up again and tried the scariest looking of the attachments, the French Legionnaire’s Moustache. It looks bristly, uncomfortable, odd. It doesn’t feel bristly at all – the hairy part is quite soft. I had to work up to getting it anywhere near my clitoris but I ended up really liking it.

I then tried all the others including the ones I’d started with, at some point had another orgasm (a strange, drawn out relaxing one), then didn’t want to stop and kept going, changing attachments a lot and finding my preference was now for the more intense ones – the grapes and the moustache, whereas the pearls and the cup/spoon don’t cut it once I’m warmed up. I did have to keep moving them away for being too intense and caught myself thinking they’d be useful in some kind of forced orgasm/stimulation scene.

I broke out the erotica so I didn’t have to think of anything new myself anymore and at some point afterwards (there was an interruption where D, having left me to it, came to ask what I wanted for lunch and I just told him to go away because I was busy – I’m not always the politest when close to orgasm) the second orgasm appeared, another long drawn out one the like of which I don’t think I’ve had before but rated reasonably highly.

It won’t be long before I play with it again. It doesn’t really speed up my orgasms which is a pity in a way but it feels much more amazing than anything fingers can do. I like all the attachments now, in different ways. The difference between it and standard vibrators is that I don’t reach the “I’ve had enough of this” sensation, pretty much ever. This means choosing to stop becomes completely pointless. It sometimes feels slightly intense but the power settings and just moving it around slightly take care of that. I couldn’t find a way of using it in my usual position (face down pressing into the bed) and I’m still not sure how to use it during intercourse, but I will definitely be keeping it. Four orgasms before lunchtime is a good way to start the day.

Dating

So recently I’ve been doing some swinging. It was pretty awesome and I hope to repeat the experience. It made me realise, though, that I’m ready to start dating again. Being touched and held and kissed by a new person was very exciting! I think if I want more frequent new person excitement then it’s time to head back into the dating pool and look for people wanting a relationship.

Because I am horrifyingly shy, I expect this will be mostly meeting up with people I don’t know from online, though I have been wondering if I’ll be brave enough to go to a few more kink or poly social events and potentially meet new people.

It’s been a while since I’ve dated (there’s been a break up and a wedding in the meantime) so I’m not really sure what to expect, especially as I’m interested in anything from super-casual to committed.

Compersive sex

I won’t go into detail.

But.

The story starts with feeling joy in someone else’s joy and pleasure in someone else’s pleasure. And that’s pretty good when it’s just two of you in a room having sex and your pleasure feeds theirs and theirs feeds yours and it grows and grows.

But when you add more people into that it becomes as though you don’t know any more whose pleasure it is you are feeling any more than you can be quite sure who is feeling you. Every touch is not just itself, but also a thousand more of someone else’s past and present joy. Everything you can see in a lover touching someone else and know exactly how it feels and will feel again. And then your eyes meet – and all that is shared too.

Yes. I really like compersion.